Hey Lucy, I remember your name
I left a dozen roses on your grave today
I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away
I just came to talk for a while, got some things I need to say
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today
Hey Lucy, I remembered your birthday
They said it'd bring some closure to say your name
I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance
But all I got are these roses to give
And they can't help me make amends
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today
Here we are, now you're in my arms
I never wanted anything so bad
Here we are for a brand new start
Living the life that we could've had
Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
Just another moment in your eyes
I'll see you in another life in Heaven
Where we never say goodbye
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today
Here we are, now you're in my arms
Here we are for a brand new start
I got to live with the choices I've made
And I can't live with myself today
Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
I've got to live with the choices I've made
And I can't live with myself today
Hey Lucy, I remember your name
Lucy
“Lucy…” I whisper. A tear slides down my face as I trace the letters on the stone under which no one is buried. “They said I needed to cope with this like a normal death, but what I did wasn’t normal. I wish so much that I could redo everything. I’m so sorry…” I kneel to the ground, wipe away the dead leaves, and place the twelve white roses on the cold brown stone.
“If I had known what this would do to me, to you, I would have you in my arms right now. I would be playing with you on a soft pink blanket. I would be feeding you a bottle of warm milk. I would be taking you for a walk in a pink stroller. I would be saving money so you could go to college and be someone great. I stopped all of that from ever happening…
“They don’t understand what it’s like. They think that the mourning will pass and that I will be good as new, but that will never happen. I will never be able to forget the horrid thing I did to you. They think that this empty grave makes it normal, but nothing is normal anymore. A gravestone with your name doesn’t let me hold you in my arms. It doesn’t give me ‘closure’ to ‘pretend’ like this is a regular death; I’m the one who caused it…
“You probably hate me. You probably aren’t even listening to me. Even if you are listening, can you understand what I’m saying? And even if you can understand, would you be able to forgive me? Would you ever forgive me for taking you precious life away...?
“Lucy…I’m just so sorry. I have absolutely nothing to justify what I did, but it would have been nigh on impossible for me to have kept you. I couldn’t even tell you why I thought that it was the right thing to do. It could never be right to take away the life of your own daughter. I should’ve asked for help. I should’ve found a way. I should’ve given you to someone who could take care of you, but instead I took your life away…
“Do you even like your name? If I hadn’t done what I did, would you be named something else? If I put you up for adoption, would they have named you Lucy? Would you have been a Jessica or a Marissa? Would you have been a girly-girl? Would you have wanted to dress-up like a princess? You deserve to be a princess, Lucy. You deserve to be here. You deserve to be living in a loving family who would die for you. You don’t deserve me. You don’t deserve to be wherever you are. You don’t deserve to have a grave. You don’t deserve to have a mother who was too young, too stupid, to think that a baby isn’t a baby until she’s born. You don’t deserve any of this…”
I reach into my back pocket and pull out the knife that gleams in the sun. “You don’t deserve to be alone wherever you are. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to see me gone. You deserve a mother who is willing to die for you…”
No comments:
Post a Comment